took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
my liver is dry heaving
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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