I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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