you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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