I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
