that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
