So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Two words: nipple clamps
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