Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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