i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize