Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
