im about as happy as oj after his trial
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
