Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
