I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
