On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
And then he peed in my hair
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