I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
