How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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