at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
