It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
