Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
