just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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