And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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