I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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