doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
