So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize