Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
