the new term for farting is butt boxing.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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