In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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