just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
We had sex on a dog bed..
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
