just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Randomize
