I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
