guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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