I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
