what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
