Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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