Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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