I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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