Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
