So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
