Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
