I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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