time to smoke my breakfast
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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