normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
