is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Randomize
