i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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