i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
