dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
