My first STD was from a foam party
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
