I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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