i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Randomize
