goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
