Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.

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(631): View more from New York

"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......

Fav 8 4169 1066
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(513): View more from Ohio

Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.

Fav 96 13848 2782
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(616): View more from Michigan

So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...

Fav 6 3753 1256
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(316): View more from Kansas

I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.

(1-316): View more from Kansas

Yeah I'm going to bathe him.

Fav 6 4117 1220
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(205): View more from Alabama

That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".

Fav 6 1055 3941
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(504): View more from Louisiana

I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.

Fav 15 4765 1175
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(765): View more from Indiana

I want to bone him until his eyes fall out

Fav 2 443 178
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(207): View more from Maine

You like pics of my balls that much?

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

I am at the store looking at frames as we text...

Fav 0 53 7
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