I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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