Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
