I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Randomize
