I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
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