worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
