Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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