In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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