It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
