we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
