Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
