Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
