just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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