Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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