I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
I think my vagina is haunted
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
