We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
