You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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