Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
