God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Randomize
